i barfeds in our rink
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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