Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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