Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
