I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
