oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
