do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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