After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
