No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
