I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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