I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
