Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
