There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
