I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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