btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
be right there i have to get my cape
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
