i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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