I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
