Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
