you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
