I smell stomach acid.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
