Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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