How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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