Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
