It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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