im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
