I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
