I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have aggressive nipples.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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