I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
