Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
