i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
