I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
