We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
