Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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