what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize