Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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