I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize