Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont even know how to be here
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
