in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
