i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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