I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
