i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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