my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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