I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
