You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
