She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
