seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
