p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
love makes seman taste better
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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