What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
