I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
