we have officially lost it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
