just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
