Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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