I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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