I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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