The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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