The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
