singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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