Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize