i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
