happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize