So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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