i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize