I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
