My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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