Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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