dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize