I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We named our party play list daddy issues
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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