dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize